Battle Of The Sexes
by Nala-Nay
Summary: Here is a pretty well known debate, who is superior? Males or Females? Well here, the gang explains what they think. Join me with Nala, Simba, Tama, Tojo, Kula, Malka, and Chumvi. P.S. I may redo this later and add more...this was just a spur of the moment ;)


**Hello My Loves! **

**Yes I know I haven't updated 'Royal Pains', but I will soon…a week of summer break is coming up and I just wanted to post a little one shot of our favorite Lion King Gang ****!**

**So I hope you enjoy!**

**Note: They're teens here, so, yea, we all know how 'grown up' teenagers talk ;). Just loaded with insults and profanity! (but not too much!)**

**Author: A young lioness with dark tan fur, tan-brown eyes, and a hair tuft that covered one of her eyes, was talking to her best friend, who is a lion, of course, and he had a dusty gold kind of color fur, a growing light brown mane, and medium blue eyes. Although they had been best friends since they were cubs, this little discussion was setting another boundary line for them, seeing as they're older now and insults could go to the extreme. They're both use to saying just the first thing that comes to their mind or what their thoughts were about anything. The female, Tama, has always been one to just speak without thinking, and Tojo, the male, is use to just making everything into a joke…but this time, yes he was smiling and all that, but he was also serious. The' little argument' they were having, was on the 'facts of life', trying to see who really runs it: the males or the females. Let's tune in and find out!**

**Battle Of The Sexes**

"**No I will not go out with you!"**

"**Oh come on. Why? Because of what I just said?"**

"**Duh! I can't believe you just said that!" Tama's eyes were ablaze at what just came out of her friend's mouth and all he did was laugh.**

"**What? It's true. You can't sit here and tell me that Mufasa doesn't run this kingdom on his own."**

"**The only reason it looks that way is because us females are always in the background, but we're the real brains behind every operation."**

"**Mmm hmm, the hunting ones." Tojo murmured, but loud enough so she could hear and Tama scoffed at her friend's lack of knowledge about life. Why didn't he see it her way? She knew she was right. Tojo had a tendency for knowing what he was talking about most times and yes, would be right**

"**You're such a smartass." She said as her eyes narrowed and he leaned into her playfully.**

"**Why, thank you." She brought her arm up and pushed him away from her while she looked away in the distance. "Come on T, it's really not that serious." Her head whipped back in his direction, still infuriated.**

"**Not that serious? You guys have it so easy! You can do whatever you want and not give a damn about anybody but yourself!"**

"**Hey hey, what's all the fuss about over here." By this time, Kula, Chumvi, and Malka were walking in the duo's direction and could immediately tell that there was tension in the air. Neither answered her. "Um, hello…" Still, nobody said anything. Tama and Tojo just starred at one another, I'm sure exchanging too many four letter words, while the three new comers looked at one another to see if any of them could figure out what was going on.**

"**Somebody want to fill us in over here?" Tojo decided, but tiredly, half way turned to his friends and said, **

"**Tama here," he turned to eye her for a second in which turn she rolled hers, "thinks that females are superior to us males." Before either boy could answer…**

"**We are." Kule spoke simply and this caused her male counterparts to look at her strangely.**

"**Thank you! But then again, I'm not surprised that neither one of you agreed."**

"**Of course not." Chumvi scoffed.**

"**Why would we." Malka added. The two lionesses face palmed and eyed their guy friends evilly. **

"**Are-are you serious right now?" Kula's face could best be described as confused and irritated. She and Tama were on the same page, but apparently, the boys were not.**

"**Dead as…"**

"**And please explain how you guys are better than us, Mal-ka!" Malka looked at the girl that just recently became his girlfriend since last week, and was thinking if he should step into the fire on this one.**

"**Come on, Malka tell her! Don't be afraid of what she'll think."**

"**Shit, or say." The orange colored lion heard Tojo first and then Chumvi, but his eyes were mixing with Kula's and he felt uneasy. How could he side with them, because he knows he's right, but still be on good terms with her? It had took him a while to even get up the courage to ask her out. He was the second one the boys that had to ask 'their girl' out…Simba is last.**

"**Um…"**

"**You better speak straight, Malka. You just got Kula." The hair tuft lionesses words rang through his ears and he looked into the eyes of everyone there.**

"**There are other fish in the sea, man. Say what you know."**

"**Yea, don't forget the Bro Code."**

"**The Bra-what? Shut up, Tojo!" Tama shook her head at the guy she called her bestie and he rolled his eyes at her. "And seriously? Other fish in the sea? First off, he can't swim, and second of all, he's been trying to get with Kula forever."**

"**Maaaaan," Tojo rolled his head back, "Whatever!"**

"**It's really taking you this long to see which side you're on?" Now, Kula and Malka were in a face off and he felt like her was losing her already and he hadn't even said anything.**

"**It-it's just the facts, Kula." He said uneasily.**

"**The facts!? You must be telling a joke right now." Even though Tojo was another one for telling jokes, Malka was the king of it, but right now, he wasn't being a comic.**

"**I-I'm not. There's just a lot of facts to where it shows we guys are more superior than you.**

"**Oh, kings above…" Tama looked to the sky as if wanting to seek help or if one other their ancestors would come into the minds of her male friends and knock some sense into them.**

"**I don't believe this." Seeing that she was appalled, Malka went to reach out to pull Kula in for an embrace, but instead she took a couple of steps away from him and went closer to her female friend Tama.**

"**Kula, ple-"A speechless Malka was comforted, but his two pals, for now, in which Tojo threw an arm around his shoulder.**

"**Don't even worry about her, Malka. She'll get over it." He glanced over the two fuming females, "They always do."**

"**Ya know, Chumvi, we say that same thing about you guys…jeez you guys have such egos." A smile came to Kula's face after her dark tanned friend made her statement.**

"**Ha ha, yea really, and God forbid we talk about the size of your di-"**

"**What's up guys." Turning to face the voice, approaching the group was the **_**dynamic duo **_**themselves. Simba AND Nala! Hope their 'king to be' can talk some reality into his friends.**

"**Geez, ha ha, what did we miss? Seems like you guys are about to fight. What is going on?" The creamy colored lioness spoke second observing her friends more than her best friend was.**

"**Shit, do we really have to go through this all again?"**

"**Um, yea, Toe-jam we do and we're going to keep going until you guys see that we're right."**

"**Right about what?" The golden colored prince asked while taking in all of his friends faces. He quickly realized that this could be practice for him in future affairs about problem solving in the kingdom.**

"**Tama here, the queen of 'know-it-all-ness', is hell bent on thinking that them," Tojo took his paw and pointed it over to the three girls, seeing that that is just how it happened when Nala came up, "The females are superior to us males." Nala and Simba's eyebrows both rose up in surprise that this was the subject of their conversation, or debate whether.**

"**This is seriously the problem over here? That answer is easy." Simba nodded his head in agreement with Nala, and both answered at the same time…**

"**Males."**

"**Females." Now, the future king and queen eyed each other in shock.**

"**Oh. The. Hell." Tama put her paw to her head as her already small migraine was growing.**

"**Nala, really? My dad is a prime example."**

"**Thank you! I said that earlier." Tojo's blue eyes were big, but only because his main suspect was used again and by that subject's son.**

"**Yea, and your dumbass is still wrong. Shut up."**

"**How is he wrong when it came out of Simba's mouth? He should know."**

"**That doesn't mean anything, Chumvi. Just because Simba sees what his father does, doesn't mean he knows what all goes on."**

"**Um…yes I do." Nala blew a heavy sigh from her mouth.**

"**No, you don't."**

"**How do you know? You're not even royalty."**

"**Well actually she i-" Kula stepped forward and lightly popped Malka on his arm. All the friends knew that Nala and Simba were to be married, but not the two themselves. How that happened, who knows. I don't ;). **

"**Simba, I don't have to be royalty to know that your mom runs things. If you ask them both, your dad doesn't ever make a decision without talking to your mom about it."**

"**So you too truly believe that you're better than us? Truly."**

"**I believe I know. Look, how about you guys tell us why you think you're on top of us."**

"**Well it depends on what area of on top you're talking abo-" Chumvi elbowed Malka in which he immediately shut up. They all knew where he was going. Like I said, always the one to crack jokes.**

"…**idiot…" Nala whispered to Kula who was standing next to her."So go ahead."**

"**Well for starters," Simba walked slowly the length of his friends, "We protect the lands in which **_**you**_** reside in."**

"**Only because you have nothing better to do." Tama interjected.**

"**In which gives us better fighting advantages."**

"**It has nothing to do with size, it's all in skill." Nala added to Tama's statement.**

"**Three, we're better looking and even right now it's four to three." Chumvi scoffed.**

"**Oh God…" All three of the girls said in unison all the while the boys 'paw fived each other."**

"**You want to know what we have to say to that? Mr 'four-to-three' but in the pride itself you guys are outnumbered seven-to-one."**

"**Well besides that, yes, Obi Wan Kenobi, enlighten us." Tojo said sarcastically.**

"**Yes yes, take it away, Yoda." The girls looked to one another, but Tama was the main one to be looked at because it was her best friend who started all this.**

"**I'ma kill him." This caused Kula and Nala to giggle because they knew personally from Tama how much she liked Tojo and wanted to be more than just friends with him. But after today, eh, we will see where that goes.**

"**Come on, Rafiki, we're waiting." Nala turned to face to her best friend and quickly said.**

"**Shut up, Simba."**

"**For our starters, you guys don't have to go through childbirth."**

"**Duh, that's what you guys are equipped for, not us."**

"**Exactly. And all the pain that comes with it. You wouldn't be able to handle it. You'd be laying on the ground waiting for someone to kill you." Kula answered causing her two friends to nod in agreement, but the boys weren't buying it.**

"**That's all you got?" Malka, who was afraid to speak this whole time, found his backbone now that all his friends were around him.**

"**Oh sure, now jump in, but to only get knocked right back down." Kula and Tama gave Nala and daring look and smiled sneakily over to them.**

"**Should I really?"**

"**To teach their rock heads a lesson? Hell to the yes."**

"**Mmm hmm."**

"**Alright then." The future queen slowly turned to face her male friends with a cheeky grin set on her face.**

"**Oh yee of a short attention span. I'm going to start off by saying," she paused for a dramatic effect, "You guys should thank your mothers that you're here right now." All four boys scrunched their eyebrows together and looked at her in confusion.**

"**You mean, thank our fathers."**

"**Um, ha ha, no dear, I meant what I said. Your mothers."**

"**Why, because she went through childbirth?" Tojo spoke like a baby and it caused his friends to roll over on their side laughing…of course.**

"**That too, but specifically because she found that your fathers, were fathering material." At this, all the laughter stopped and no one said anything, except.**

"**Whatchu talkn' bout, Nala?"**

"**Oh boys, boys, boys," Nala walked slowly in front of them and will causally pace back and forth while she explains. "It's been said and known, that us females, lionesses preferably, have a power that we can use against you."**

"**Besides sex she's means." All eyes went to Tama and all she did was smile, "yea we can use that against you too."**

"**Thank you, T…can I finish?"**

"**My bad." The aqua eyed lioness cleared her throat and continued.**

"**The power is…let's say there are two males: one has," she stopped walking, she couldn't decide who to use to she went with, "golden fur and a red mane and the other has a dark brown coat with a black mane." Yes this sounded like Mufasa and Scar, but it wasn't. She was using the colors of Simba and his nemesis that liked Nala names Kujo. Simba growled.**

"**You had to use **_**him**_** as an example?" For all Nala did was look at him out the side of her eye and continued what she was saying.**

"**I never gave names, Simba."**

"**But we all kn-"**

"**So one has all the tendencies of being a father and the other one is better at, mmm, let's say…performing." As she said her last word, a grin came to everyone's faces because they all knew what she meant. **_**Good, then they can stay on track**_**, she thought to herself. "They both know that they want the girl and they both know it, so sets a competition, but the one that is unfatherly, thinks that during his 'performance', he's going to give her a little present that will develop four and a half months later. You all with me?" Everyone nodded their heads, but their gender faces said different things: the females were beaming and the boys were confused. Nala continued, "She decides to marry or make a single commitment to the fatherly lion and time goes by. Nothing is happening and she's not showing." By now, all four of the boy's faces are to Nala's and she's right in front of them and Tama and Kula soon join her side. "You see, his little 'present' got rejected. It got rejected because she didn't see him as the father of her future children, so she let his **_**seed **_**go." A thump hit all of the males hearts and they looked at their females counterparts as if they each had grown another head.**

"**So you see…" Tama.**

"**We are…" Kula.**

"**Superior. We hunt and make sure the circle of life continues. You can't live without us, I mean yes it's true we need you, but for only breeding reasons. If you don't believe me, go ask your mothers about this and see what they say." Now she looked to Simba specifically," You should ask BOTH of your parents, because I know neither of them will lie to you."**

"**You guys ok? Want to say anything?" The boys all shook their heads no.**

"**Didn't think so." Tama concluded and her light amber eyes pierced Tojo's.**

"**Come on, we have a **_**hunt **_**to go on so these Neanderthals can eat today." The three lionesses walked away with their heads held high. The boys were speechless.**

"**Is-is that really true? We-we aren't here because our mothers chose to have us…"**

"**Naw naw, wait a minute! I got it! HEY!" Tojo shouted out to trio and they all stopped and looked at him over their shoulders, "If you guys, excuse me, ladies, are superior, then why did God create males first?!" The girls heads dropped, but they were smiling and started to walk again. "Mmm hmm, see I told yo-"**

"**BECAUSE EVERYONE NEED A ROUGH DRAFT!" **

_**Author Note: This is just something that is like always a debate between friends or whoever lmao! To me, I think it's equal for both genders. We need each other, but it is up to the females to either have the baby or to not have it **____**.**_

_**When you leave comments, be nice **____**! Yes there are spelling mistakes, but this time I was actually rushing lmao.**_

_**~Nala-Nay~**_**  
**


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